The Need to Always Be Right

One of the most important ways that humans learn is by making mistakes. Those who refuse to acknowledge their mistakes will struggle to learn anything. The reason why people can become obsessed with being right all the time is that they have allowed their beliefs and opinions to be too closely connected to their self esteem. They believe that if their beliefs or opinions are wrong it means that they are wrong, but this is untrue. Humans are fallible creatures and they are allowed to be wrong. Those individuals who do not have the humility to accept this will find it hard to grow in recovery.

Hello All,

       Sitting here in my rack, which I finally got a lower one so it makes things more comfortable for a night or two, giving some thought to how these 15 things have played a part for me over the past year. I would say this one is a tough one to come to grips with for me. I fought with myself many times over who was right. It was not until I was in a recovery mode that I really understood how wrong I was and how hard I wanted to be right in everything I did. I really started believing the fantasy world my mind painted for me. It is a bit unsettling as I look at it now, I am so thankful that I am able to see when I get lost in those thoughts and can find my way out.

      It is a wonder sometimes that I was able to be successful in my professional life and a complete failure with my personal relationship with my now ex-wife. I was a very confident and sometimes cocky leader. I was very good at what I did and I had a lot of young men that looked up to me and I held myself to a pretty high standard to make sure I took care of those same young men. We were bonded by our situation and depended on each other to be there without fail. It was a stress filled life at times, the fear of death was pushed out of our thoughts by our training and by the task ahead of us. All the things I was able to accomplish and the things I had to face now seem so daunting. In light of all that it saddens me that I could not find it in me to care for the one that truly cared for me above all others. Sure we had good times, and there was love without limits. Yet, neglect leaves a big hole in someone after a while. I did not realize how big I was making that hole until it was too late. I think now, how alone she must have felt those years when I was locked in my head. It hurts still to realize she needed to talk to someone else to feel special again, but I brought that on and I don't hate her at all for that. 

     Sure I was mad for awhile, I knew that it had to be her fault for what had happened. In my mind I was doing what needed to be done to make things right. But as it turned out I was not right again. I wanted to be right, I had to be correct. If I was not right about this then it meant that a string of failures would lay at my feet. Well that's where it all ended up, piled at my feet, a big pile of my ego. That is hard to swallow, it will take some more time for me to really come to grips with it all. I feel that each day helps to lighten the burden of guilt. I am really rambling tonight, got off track of where I wanted to go. I guess the dream I had last night brought back some unresolved issues. I work these 15 items to be let go of into my life but other things are more difficult to let go of. 

      I am not even making sense to myself tonight. LMAO. Even with the frustration of losing my train of thought and having to relive some feelings, I still feel okay. I am not going to lose the ground I have gained tonight. You all be safe and happy, I will be back when I gather my thoughts. (lol. I am sure one day that this will be seen and someone will find something in it to connect to, it is after all just my beginning)

Pirate03