Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Body and Soul

    Hey Boys and Girls! So many things change and surprise me. I started out learning how what I thought was an issue with alcohol 20 years ago was just the tip of the iceberg. It sounds so simple to hear it discussed now that it is hard to imagine that it had such a grip on me. Addictions to substances, actions and fantasy's turn out to be connected to my mind and my body.
     I am kind of at a loss for the right words right now. I know what I was wanting to share but not so much how. I am gonna patchwork some points and Ideas together and maybe it will all come together.

* I have found that the better my physical health is the easier my mind reacts to new processes and ideas.
* I have been seeking a spiritual path for most of my adult life and I am now finding some direction that I am comfortable with.
* I have become very intrigued by the many different ideas that revolve around this disease.
* I am very concerned with what Doc has said about permanent damage to my mind for waiting so long to start treatment.
 * I am anxious to get into a regular routine of counseling, both one on one and returning to group.

Ok, lets see what happens now. I have really started reaping the benefits of not smoking. I am really glad that my daughter and I decided to work the cold turkey thing together. She has become one of my biggest supporters. She had plenty of opportunities to make fun of me when we sat in Doc's office at the beginning of all this and laid out the plan. We did a full spectrum of tests to set the benchmarks, lot of blood was used for all this. Then we started, first it was a routine of physical fitness and eating right. This was the most important part for the success. As my body got stronger it effected my mind and then when it was time, the choice to drop the cigarettes was made much easier. It was a battle, that took a concerted effort of physical activity and constant mental awareness. It wasn't until I was two years into this then Doc started asking other questions and that is when the cat was let out of the bag. The one good thing that came from that was that the skills I had learned for quitting smoking were prepping me for this stage. I was confused at first, I was alone and I was scared. What the hell, the docs at the hospital had it all wrong, in the end they really just made it worse for me, let me think that I could live normally. As we got into it all I was not very happy. Denial is a harsh tax master. I remember being so upset about the things I was learning that I got physically ill. When I tried to end it all, Doc was there, gave an addict drugs to be normal. LOL he knew what I needed that's for sure, he got me back to reality. I have also made some good friends along the way, we are by no means normal people but we understand each other.
      Doc was never clear on exactly what is meant by permanent mental damage, lovely. It apparently will manifest itself as I progress through the recovery stage. I am worried about it though, from the things I have read, it very well may be a combination of chemical damage from the items I put in me and the mental damage from constant internal manipulations over a prolonged period of time. So we will see.
      My health has taken on a new meaning for me this year, I realize how important it is to be in good health to help your body cope with illnesses and it helps your mind cope with new emotions. From getting my weight back into control, keeping active to fight the constant pain of my arthritis to having the energy to be out and about and allowing me to sleep better. My health even helps me handle stress which is a very big enemy to me. LOL, understatement of the decade! I have made a lot of discoveries and have grown from within, but I still have much to learn. The brightest part to all this is the skills I have developed to control my issues.


Be safe and happy,

Pirate03








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