Hello again. Today it struck me that I am carrying around a big bag of rocks. They don't serve a purpose but they do weigh me down and wear me out.
That bag of rocks is my head full of negative thoughts and dwelling on the past. The bag is even full of sand too, this helps me not see past the rocks. Its not a constant bag of rocks, but I feel it enough that I am paying close attention to it and I am picking out stones and putting them away. Sort of a rock garden for myself. The good thing is once I see the rocks I can drain the sand throw a small hole which helps identify the bigger rocks and I can handle them one at a time.
Yeah I know its a bit silly to describe it like that, but I thought it was fitting and I am finding my sense of humor coming back and that is refreshing. One of the rocks in my bag has been the possibility of meeting someone new. My daughters and others have put it to me that I should get online and meet some girls and see what happens. I gave it a half ass shot if anything and I am just not into it right now. I still have some internal issues I have to work out and I don't need to put this on some innocent person looking to have a real relationship. LOL, plus I find I keep comparing them all to one individual and those are hard shoes to fill. My time will come, I am not in a rush to just jump in the sack with the first person that answers my email. I need to be ready and really need to be able to communicate properly. When it happens I want a strong, healthy and happy relationship. I want one that I can pour myself into it fully. This is where that bag of rocks is such a burden too. I can not be trying to deal with my issues and then combine that with trying to figure out if I am gonna say or do the right thing. I do not want to hurt anymore people, that is a toll on the soul I am no longer willing to pay for.
I keep thinking of that movie about a bunch of people in rehab, 28 days I think its called, I need to be able to care for a plant and myself before I can take care of the feelings of another. LOL. It was a good and sometimes sad movie. It gives a perspective though, it helps focus on the continued successes of being in recovery and really wanting to be better and different. I desire the changes that are coming on in me. Some need some work, but I am giving it all a good chance of succeeding. Some of it has become enjoyable, take this writing stuff for instance. I would have never thought that I would get so into this, I am so unafraid to say whatever in writing. I have cried while in the middle of a word or laughed because of a thought I was trying to convey. It has become very powerful for me. I am tossing those rocks away and cleaning house in my attic. Need the room...lol.
Well that's my thoughts on this for now, got to get back to the real world and get that straightened out too! LMAO I love you all, I may not know you or you may be someone dear to me, but I truly love you for being in here and suffering through this with me..... It is an awesome world!
Be safe and Happy,
Pirate03
That bag of rocks is my head full of negative thoughts and dwelling on the past. The bag is even full of sand too, this helps me not see past the rocks. Its not a constant bag of rocks, but I feel it enough that I am paying close attention to it and I am picking out stones and putting them away. Sort of a rock garden for myself. The good thing is once I see the rocks I can drain the sand throw a small hole which helps identify the bigger rocks and I can handle them one at a time.
Yeah I know its a bit silly to describe it like that, but I thought it was fitting and I am finding my sense of humor coming back and that is refreshing. One of the rocks in my bag has been the possibility of meeting someone new. My daughters and others have put it to me that I should get online and meet some girls and see what happens. I gave it a half ass shot if anything and I am just not into it right now. I still have some internal issues I have to work out and I don't need to put this on some innocent person looking to have a real relationship. LOL, plus I find I keep comparing them all to one individual and those are hard shoes to fill. My time will come, I am not in a rush to just jump in the sack with the first person that answers my email. I need to be ready and really need to be able to communicate properly. When it happens I want a strong, healthy and happy relationship. I want one that I can pour myself into it fully. This is where that bag of rocks is such a burden too. I can not be trying to deal with my issues and then combine that with trying to figure out if I am gonna say or do the right thing. I do not want to hurt anymore people, that is a toll on the soul I am no longer willing to pay for.
I keep thinking of that movie about a bunch of people in rehab, 28 days I think its called, I need to be able to care for a plant and myself before I can take care of the feelings of another. LOL. It was a good and sometimes sad movie. It gives a perspective though, it helps focus on the continued successes of being in recovery and really wanting to be better and different. I desire the changes that are coming on in me. Some need some work, but I am giving it all a good chance of succeeding. Some of it has become enjoyable, take this writing stuff for instance. I would have never thought that I would get so into this, I am so unafraid to say whatever in writing. I have cried while in the middle of a word or laughed because of a thought I was trying to convey. It has become very powerful for me. I am tossing those rocks away and cleaning house in my attic. Need the room...lol.
Well that's my thoughts on this for now, got to get back to the real world and get that straightened out too! LMAO I love you all, I may not know you or you may be someone dear to me, but I truly love you for being in here and suffering through this with me..... It is an awesome world!
Be safe and Happy,
Pirate03
No comments:
Post a Comment